Here is a compilation of some self-knowledge. I aim to share what I learn about myself so that those who want to relate with me have a better understanding of how.

NOTE: is page is very work in progress - lots more to add and organize!

Personal Growth Edges


Self expression

  • Singing
  • Dancing
  • Improv
  • Bringing my voice forward in groups
  • Public speaking
  • Speaking from my heart
  • Maintaining eye contact while speaking


  • Maintaining presence in conversation
  • Cultivating curiosity about another’s experience

Decolonization / anti-racism work

Healthy masculinity

Completing things I started. Not giving up when things get hard.

Cultivating personal sovereignty

Coming back to my center

Listening to my intuition and speaking truth from that place compassionately

Moving more slowly


Healing core wounds around

Anxiety from pressures of expectation by community / society

Disempowerment, guilt and shame from bullying, late bloomer

Personal Shadow

Desire to control

  • Overly critical of self and others
  • Hyper-vigilance, panic, worry, hurriedness, urgency, anxiety, over-protectiveness, over-reactivity, difficulty slowing down
  • During the “workday” it’s hard for me to maintain presence, patience, connection

Drive for acceptance by way of perfection

  • I feel like I must do more to make up for who I am
  • Judging oneself and one another harshly
  • Schadenfreude

Drive for security

  • Obsession with social approval to make up for lack of self-approval / lack of perceived safety
  • Drive for upward mobility
  • People pleasing
  • Wanting to get/do it right

Sense of otherness and not belonging

  • Not belonging, not being inherently desired or connected, no right to exist.
  • Sense that one is never authentically or fully part of the group

Sense of powerlessness

  • Fear - assumption that bad things will happen
  • Feeling like a victim, personally or collectively
  • Inferiority complex


  • Relating to my self, my nature, my body as inferior
  • Denying my true self


  • The inherited pattern of vigilance paired with a sustained readiness to leave at any moment impacts my current capacity to stay put. For example, I notice in myself a reluctance to commit to romantic relationships and close friendships.
  • I pay close attention to and catalogue all the ways I feel unmet. I might feel committed to a relationship for now but, consciously or unconsciously,
  • Always preparing to leave
  • The place I live, my work, or my community are almost always “just for now.”

Enduring Pattern

  • I will withdraw deep inside myself to protect my last shred of sovereign territory and, in a last act of autonomy, turn my will against my to suppress his own desire to act and even to express himself. I will hunker down and limit my opposition to “You can’t make me.”

Rigid Pattern

  • Focused on the forms and rules of life and loses touch with life’s essence and substance. I tend to experience the world indirectly, through words, rather than directly through sensations and feelings. Rules replace personal feelings in my decision making process. I may use language well and become a terrific performer, but for me, doing has replaced being, and the map has replaced the territory. In new situations, my plea will be, “Tell me the rules,” because without the rules, I have no way to navigate.
  • When extra energy hits my system, I will attempt to contain it so that it doesn’t really affect me and interfere with my performance. Instead of allowing it to emotionally move me, I will shunt the energy into activity — I will get busy and do something.

Tendency to nod head and smile

Pattern of trying to change others

Note: many of these have been identified through:

I know what is best for others.

I can’t do anything right.

I don’t want to look foolish.

There’s too much to do.

I should be different.

I missed my chance.

I’m not good enough.

I need to understand.

I need to do it right.

I did it wrong.

There’s something wrong with me.

People are judging me.

I have to work hard.

There is a purpose to my life.

I’m not attractive.

I don’t belong.

I don't have enough.

I'm not loved.

I can't.

I don’t have something important/profound/witty to say

How to Know When I’m Contracted

Silent or terse when speaking. Not engaged in conversation.

Face looks like I’m very serious or bitter; holding tension, not breathing

Arm or face twitching


Coping Mechanisms include over and unconscious snacking and screen usage

My 10 Commandments for Joyful Living

🌳Nature — Be in nature. Learn from nature. Take naps there. Feel the earth under my feet, and the wind and sun and water on my skin.

⏯ Pause — Take pauses throughout the day. Slow down at all time fractals. Rest. Sit with emotions.

🎈Play — With enthusiasm, strive to create fun and delight for others. Give gifts.

💙Self Love — Practice loving myself fiercely through movement, meditation, nourishment, affirmations.

★ Choice — Remember I have choice in each moment. Say ‘NO’ to more things. Make effective choices (supporting creativity, experience, wholeness, integrity; self and world).

🌸Beauty — Write. Make art. Learn to play music. Point out beauty to others.

🙏🏼Sacred — Pray. Make offerings. Approach every day like a ceremony.

😹Joy — Cuddle. Eat/make/share treats. Spontaneity. Birds. Lean into each moment and every encounter expecting magic or miracles.

🏥Service — Keep inquiring: what of the undone is mine to do next? Where can my energy flow to support life?

🤗Belonging —Whenever possible, connect with others. Find points of connection with all I encounter. Cultivate community.